The Circle Line

Getting Attached

We all get attached to others in different ways.
Learn your style to help you find the kind of closeness that suits you.


Do you get tend to become clingy or jealous in relationships? Or do you always seem to put in more effort than your partner? Maybe you like someone, but as soon as things get emotionally intimate, you back off?

Have you noticed repeating patterns in your relationships? Or wonder why you end up in the same sort of situation or with the same type of person?

It’s very likely to do with something called our “attachment style” and it comes in different flavours…

The different attachment styles

Attachment is fundamental to survival. It can be described as the “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings”, an “affectional bond” or an “emotional bond.”

We learnt how to attach and what to expect from others in our infancy – and we carry this approach with us throughout our adult life.

There are four different types of attachment pattern characterised by different ways of interacting and behaving in relationships. …


Why and How we Attach

Our attachment style develops early in life and is generally stable over time.  It’s largely formed in childhood, based on our experience of the emotional attunement provided by our parents.

Research in this area indicates that patterns established in childhood have an important impact on later relationships.

These styles are deeply ingrained – yet changeable. We can all develop secure attachment.

Those of us with insecure attachment styles may have to put some intentional effort into resolving our attachment fears if we are aiming to be able to more securely and more closely attach to those we love.

Famous psychotherapist and researcher John Bowlby believed that there are four distinguishing characteristics of attachment:

Why do we attach?

As humans we need other people. Infants are totally dependent on their carers. Bowlby and many other psychology researchers have recognised that attachment has an evolutionary advantage; it helps us survive.

“The propensity to make strong emotional bonds to particular individuals [is] a basic component of human nature.” – Bowlby

Identifying Our Attachment Style

We can identify our attachment style through an established series of questions revealing our patterns in close relationships.

Click here to explore yours.


Our attachment style endures – and yet it is changeable. It helps in relationships to be aware of our attachment style and that of our partner(s) to see areas that align and those that may cause difficulty.

Attachment style is by definition relational. So we need to work with another person in order to change it. If you’d like to explore or change your attachment style speak with one of our therapists today.

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