How do relationships start? Friendship? Chemistry? What does it mean to fall in love? The fluttering heart. The buzz all through us. Falling into a pile of nerves when they’re around.
It all has to start somewhere. And many of us hope for a spark. Chemistry. We meet someone we enjoy talking to, who we can have a good conversation with, who challenges us enough. A person who also shows affection, tenderness, the ability to care; someone we like as a person, someone we warm to. And yes, someone we want to touch, kiss, go to bed with… Of course. The connection of mind, body and soul is magic when we experience it – a powerful force like no other.
As Elvis Costello sang:
She may be the mirror of my dreams
The smile reflected in a stream
When we make this kind of connection with someone it can feel like a mirror to our deepest depths, like we have truly met our match.
But, let’s pause for a moment, amidst the heroin-like chemicals that are stirred up and consider…
In the heady heights of a new connection, it’s easy to forget our heads. But it’s well worth the self-control to check in and stop to think how much we really know about this person.
We use the word falling in ‘love’ – yet real love involves getting to know someone and treating them, and making sure they treat us, in a positive way on every level. See our article on ‘Learning to love’ for more on this. For this is what we hope to aspire to.
The 6 signs of Good Character
What do you really know about the person you are falling for? Hobbies and interests are irrelevant. What’s important is character. Not personality – but the fundamental building blocks of who they are that will run right through your relationship. Considering these 6 characteristics will help you discover how capable your potential partner is of loving.
Ask as many questions as possible to find out about their:
Forget their job, wealth, the colour of their hair – considering the above is the one occasion where some box-ticking is no bad thing.
As you go through each of these with that potentially very special person in mind, remember to also ask yourself the same questions. For we must never forget to see and develop in ourselves what we ask for in others, to require of ourselves what we require of others. This way we find out if we too are ready for real intimacy, to fall into love ourselves.
Once we have established these basic building blocks, we’re safer to go ahead – knowing we’ve explored the facts and flaws first and that things are basically ok. It make take a while, it may take several “failed” relationships, dead-ends or heartbreaks along the way. But once we find the above, then… then feel the chemistry, go with the flow, and enjoy the magic…
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